Let's Deal With It!
Take a moment to think about the people you would say you love: parents, friends, your spouse, co-workers, siblings, your children, etc. Get a few of their faces in your mind. Next, consider the following verses: “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.” – John 13:34; “Love does no harm to its neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.” – Romans 13:10; “Do everything in love.” – I Corinthians 16:14. Now with those scriptures in plain view, let’s tackle this question: Are you really showing love when you avoid having that difficult conversation?
There’s this common misconception that conflict and confrontation are bad. The truth is they often are the means to accomplish necessary change. Conflict and confrontation are natural and healthy components of any relationship because where you have healthy conflict, you have an underlying foundation of trust. For many of us, though, the notion of “healthy conflict” sounds like an oxymoronic self-help strategy. In actuality, it’s a biblical principle (see Proverbs 15:1; Ecclesiastes 7:8-9; Luke 17:3; Ephesians 4:26; Colossians 3:13; James 1:19).
Some people will do almost anything to avoid conflict and confrontation because even when it’s spoken in love, the truth can still create tension. Can I encourage you today? As long as your motives are pure, you are neither bad nor wrong for causing a conflict or identifying one. Conflict is an opportunity to open up communication on a difficult subject.
When you buy into the lie that says you must keep the peace at any price, your actions contradict the love you say you have. Furthermore, viewing the difficult conversation as too risky or too uncomfortable only delays the inevitable. Avoiding conflict and confrontation never works because:
1. Avoided conflict does not magically disappear. It resurfaces later.
2. Over time, avoided conflict festers and can morph into passive aggressive behavior like ambiguity, gossip, lying, making excuses, procrastination, resentment or stubbornness.
3. Avoided conflict breeds frustration that will infect the relationship, as unexpressed anger leads to bitterness.
4. Avoided conflict causes our love for God and our love for others to grow cold.
If you need to muster up the courage to initiate a potentially volatile conversation, think about this: the other person’s long-term well-being is more important than their short-term comfort. You say you love ‘em? Love ‘em enough to tell them the truth. I’m not advocating picking a fight. I’m suggesting you’ll be better off not swallowing your feelings or changing the subject. Most people would rather you tell them the truth and hurt their feelings than lie to them and make them feel good.
“God has a way on occasion of placing our blessings in the hands of our enemies, or at least in the hands of those we would much rather avoid.” – Truitt Evans
Edifying, Encouraging & Enlightening,
Excelsius
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